I am brave! It took me years, decades, to be able to say kind things to myself. This morning I tried something that I quickly found out was much too soon for me to try, but I went for it anyway. I found out that there are free tai chi classes up in town on Tuesday mornings. I've done tai chi before, and qi gong, but with my balance so poor since the strokes and walking with a cane out in the world, I wasn't sure. We never know until we try, although sometimes we DO know when it's just not time yet.
Today I wondered if I might be ready because in the evenings I walk outdoors on my own and have started to walk without the cane just in the backyard. I move, I am beginning to find my moves again, and my slow dance. I've been slow dancing! So this morning I went to CAC and everyone was so kind. I even saw Charlotte Sky who remembered me from when I did a performance there about 10 years ago with my friend William Kruhmin before they showed the film Cherry Blossoms. This morning I was welcomed, and was also told that whatever I needed to do, however long I could stay was okay. I lasted about fifteen minutes and instead of being so hard on myself as I am accustomed to being, really all my life... I was kind to myself. It's a new thing. Being kind to myself. Totally new, and I must say it feels a whole lot better than giving myself crap for needing to go at an easy pace and let myself heal. Also, granted, I'm not a morning person and had the class been in the evening I likely would have been able to do some of it. But it's okay.
Oh, and this photo was another one from the same photo shoot years ago with Alex M Wolff as the photo I used in yesterday’s blog post. This was from a group of shots that were Alex's idea. We saw a low-lying branch that was thick enough for me to stand on, and Alex had a white umbrella that seemed an interesting complement to my white hoop skirt. He shot this so it kind of looks like I'm floating, or something. I really loved doing those photos! And I'm not very good with heights unless I'm on top of a mountain or at the front top deck of the ferry that goes across LI Sound, so I guess I was brave back then too. I'm only just beginning to know it.
For those who actually make it through this post, for whatever you might be facing or going through, may you acknowledge your braveness and be kind to yourself, too!
