Been having to take a lot of downtime lately in between art and art show things. Sometimes playing my flute for a bit, or resting in quiet with my cat Gracie nearby or by my side, which she is starting to do. Or lying down listening to music as I'm doing in this photo.
The strokes really changed my brain. Speaking is one of the most strenuous things for me, and listening. And oddly enough, even though I've forgotten a lot of my Spanish, I have an easier time speaking it with local Spanish speakers than I do English. Foreign language feels like music, perhaps connects that way in my head. Often even over the phone I have to ask people to please slow their speaking or to repeat what they say. Must say I feel a bit stupid but I know that I am not. It just feels that way.
Overall I've found a lot of kindness and compassion through this time. Except from one lady at a bank who continued to berate me for taking a parking space she wanted, one space away from the one she got. She saw me with my cane. I told her it was easier for me to be closer to the entrance. Absolutely no compassion in her eyes, only coldness. In front of everyone, calmly I looked at her and repeated, "Thank you for your compassion," hoping to get through. Sometimes it doesn't happen. Maybe it happened later, where her heart opened just a little. Who knows. It had nothing to do with me. So I go on, being whatever I am right now. Speaking up when it feels best to. Mostly, so many people are immensely kind and will give me time to walk, to talk.
This Sunday at my opening, no idea what I was thinking but I wanted to talk about my art, so that's what I'm planning to do - a short talk. I'll do it anyway and if I find it too challenging, I'll sing or write and let it evolve into something else, perhaps let others talk and let it be interactive.
Zigzagging is great, it's something my dear friend Con taught me. It is helping me a lot right now. When things feel too much, it's important to let ourselves zigzag. See all the options, pinpoint the priority, move toward it, and let the rest go.
